One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
