I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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