it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
