I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
