My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
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I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
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Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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