suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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