You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
