If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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