Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize