I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
