I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
