Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
