Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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