4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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