that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
