well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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