Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
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He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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