May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Screwed.edu
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
