Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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