And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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