Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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