No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
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Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
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Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
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