i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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