if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
