My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
