I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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