You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
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Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
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If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
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