Texts From Last Night

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.

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  (832): Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/kcg4
  Replies (2) Good night (912) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.

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  (586 ): He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow. http://tfl.nu/hatb
  Replies (6) Good night (689) Bad night (1770)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS

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  (917): Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS http://tfl.nu/k9df
  Replies (97) Good night (1672) Bad night (7605)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?

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  (720): how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot? http://tfl.nu/rnjj
  Replies (17) Good night (676) Bad night (3014)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.

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  (484): We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision. http://tfl.nu/lzhl
  Replies (18) Good night (1199) Bad night (3679)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.

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  (215): Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too. http://tfl.nu/we0x
  Replies (12) Good night (4796) Bad night (1116)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.

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  (910): I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling. http://tfl.nu/sj19
  Replies (6) Good night (2704) Bad night (741)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.

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  (502): I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day. http://tfl.nu/53ab
  Replies (5) Good night (2166) Bad night (823)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.

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  (303): Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life. http://tfl.nu/utnc
  Replies (7) Good night (1091) Bad night (4029)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock

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  (803): Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock http://tfl.nu/bp8m
  Replies (8) Good night (620) Bad night (2501)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome

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  (215): Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome http://tfl.nu/saao
  Replies (3) Good night (1889) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."

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  (773): i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations." http://tfl.nu/7d4e
  Replies (7) Good night (547) Bad night (942)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle

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  (513): It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle http://tfl.nu/f7n7
  Replies (3) Good night (971) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.

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  (310): I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you. http://tfl.nu/hk53
  Replies (5) Good night (1037) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.

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  (541): k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating. http://tfl.nu/iql3
  Replies (1) Good night (484) Bad night (253)

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