Just cropdusted the office
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on