I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
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Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
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Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.