things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER