I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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