i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
