I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
