i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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