I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
