I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
