I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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