What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
