I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
