Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
