Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
