I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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