Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
