it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize