I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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