well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
