and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
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They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
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The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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