there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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