you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You smell like stripper and shame
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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