then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
