I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she peed on how many people?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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