i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
