I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
