kristin has been a bad kristin
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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