That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
