so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
