So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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