dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
