i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
