Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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