please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize